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Sincerely writing after many relationships and flings (and drop that fackin judgemental look......many does'nt mean that many), there is nothing like complete total happiness, I mean you find someone who according to books is perfect for you, or rather you find the perfect relationship full of love and adoration which is what youve always dreamt of, and all of a sudden love isnt enough!! and then its either he's the problem, or the relationship is a problem and in most cases you're the problem!!! I know how many times I have told myself that if I find a guy like 'THIS' i'll settle down *THIS meaning whatever criteria I have in my state of loneliness and love starvation given the next guy I expect me to fall for* and suddenly the guy comes and before I know it I am laying down the criteria for the next one when I am still with the Mr. Present (soon to be Mr. ImSorryThisIsntWorkingOutAsPlanned).......*Big Sigh*. I mean a few months back I could beat my chest and say I had it all; (a comfortable boyfriend, one who loved me wholly @ that, someone who had finally taken me for who I am e.t.c) but then right now looking back, its either I messed it up by holding onto nothing, or I went into it for the wrong reasons probably because at that point, it seemed like a way out of whatever I needed to get out of then......or maybe because it was'nt meant to be! Free all the silly, self comforting and excusing reasons. I think our relationship needs adjust as we breathe, and the key to ending the constant in and out movement is finding someone who moves proportionally to these changes, that way with every changing change, they still have our hearts and most importantly our eyes. This is definitely the most love starved period of my life, Not only don't I have love, I do not know where to get from and heck I have no prospects.......its like I have hit menopause and am constantly stuck wishing for the Red Nation or for babies.....and menopause as an example makes my love life seem impossible, its not but heck that's how it feels or seems. Its hard finding someone, when during the past few months, all I've done is build my ideal man with the bricks I have formed using the traits I have observed from other peoples ideal men, in their on-going relationships I should add, yeah so my bar has been set preeetttty high and pretty unattainable too. But as much as I like to act like everything is well and good in this kingdom, these are truly trying times, my head is tired of the InMyMind Relationships I listen to songs and form, I'm tired that at the end of each day I have no one to tell how my day went, or the fact that I have no one to whine to, or talk endlessly to, or more painfully the fact that I have no one who wants to sincerely know me as much as I want to know them even more. For wherever we are in life at each point, we find ourselves in these places not by magic, but probably because we wove a complicated web we were too non-chalant to pay attention to that has landed us here, in simple english wherever we are,our past action put us there. And when I take this into consideration, my constant dissatisfaction and search for something better might be why I have nothing to search for today. The morale of this story is nothing, and I sincerely don't know what to say to give the writers close.....this is one of those I'm done writing, you can now close this web page, GOODBYE.